Thursday, January 10, 2013

according to laura... while she's asleep


Some of you may remember this post in which Laura decided to share some of our most intimate conversations with the world.  I mean, what could be more private than a man's love for Mariah Carey?

Well, today I return the favour by sharing some of Laura's pillow-talk, and by pillow-talk, I of course mean the things she has said while passed out on her pillow fully asleep.  You see, Laura sleep-talks.

Hard.

She'll respond to questions, sit up in the bed, and sometimes do a bit of dancing.  Lately when its been happening I've been writing it down on my Blackberry.  I never knew what I would do with it, but now that I have a captive audience, the temptation is too strong.  I'll start with probably the most intense bout:

It's 3am, I'm curled up (so my gigantic feet don't stick off the end of the bed) fast asleep facing away from Laura.  All of a sudden I wake up to Laura gently stroking my arm.  She is sitting straight up in the bed, looking down at me, stroking my arm, and smiling the creepiest moonlight-illuminated smile I've ever witnessed.

It was straight out of paranormal activity.  So I ask her, "What are you doing?".



"Just loving..." and her voice trails off.  Afterwards she immediately collapses back down on the bed and falls asleep while I am left to contemplate how close I was to being murdered by whatever demon possesses Laura while I'm asleep... While I'm vulnerable.

Luckily, she's usually chattiest in the morning, when I'm already awake getting a bit of work done next to her, and here are some of her other gems.  And if you're picturing some tired mumblings between snores you aren't getting the full effect, these are fully articulated, passionate statements about some very important things in her life:

On common knowledge:
"There's so many teddy bears.... I cut all their hair."
Me: how many teddy bears?
"Everybody knows that!"

On literature:
"He'll do that, he'll jump on you and he'll kiss you.  Beans.  I read a book about him."
Me: was it a good book?
"It was $3.  People will read it, a book about dirty Beans."

On playing dress up:
"Do you think he will like my Halloween costume?  For Halloween I'm dressing up as a Lebanese sink.  Well, just a sink.  A train and a sink."

On children's classics:
"I like Pumba.  PUMBA!  What type of animal is Pumba?"

On... latin pop superstars?:
"Jenniferrrrr.  Jenifer-fer-fer-fer-fer-fer-fer-fer-fer..." (this goes on for literally a full minute)

On tropical crises:
"I'm on a beach with no towel!"

On potential birthday presents for your husband:
"I need to shower.  Caroline can start work today"
Me: you want to shower with Caroline?
"Only if Beans is nice."


-Beans

(Yikes... now that I think of it, I hope hijacking her blog doesn't put me on the naughty list...)

1 comment:

  1. omg this is absolutely hilarious, loved the literature one! good thing your wife has a good sense of humour :)

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