Wednesday, July 4, 2012

alone with my thoughts


I'm a little bit afraid to sit down and write.

I've been known to throw out a dramatic post or two after sitting down with nothing but me, my laptop, and an iced grande non fat no whip mocha. Posts like this, and this, and this.

When I spent my days behind a desk, I would post things like "if only I didn't have to work today" and "imagine what I could do if I were at home." 

But then something scary happened... I left my job. I left my job and I agreed to spend my days bettering my business in any way I felt like. I left my job and didn't look back.

I think I've been afraid to be alone with my thoughts ever since. 

For the first time, they are completely unbridled. I don't have cubicle walls to wish my way out of... I'm free.

I have been putting some distance between me and those thoughts, afraid of what might come out if I really sat down with them. I have everything I've ever wanted, but where does that leave me? I'm so used to trying to figure out my next step. I'm used to grasping for things that are completely out of reach, but with no restraints...is anything out of reach? 

And that right there might be the scariest thing ever.

Where is my business headed?

What's next?

What's the new 5 year plan? I have no idea.

For the first time (...ever), I'm figuring it out as I go. Focusing on putting one foot in front of the other. 

And struggling awkwardly with whether to allow myself to be alone with my thoughts or not.


There will be more on this as soon as I figure it out...

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